Commission - Don't Fuck Around with Cursing

“I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not... Please tell me this is a joke.”

Kat could barely believe what had just been said by her fiancé Paul, what he was suggesting seemed completely unreasonable to her and he had to be joking... right?

“I know it’s ludicrous hun, believe me I do. But I honestly think it’s the easiest thing to do in the situation.”

“Paul, she’s your fucking ex! In what universe is this the easiest thing to do?!”



Yes, Paul had just broken the news to Kat that he thought that his ex-girlfriend Joanne should move in with them.

“I know, I know. It’s just that her Mom and mine were best friends while she was still alive and my Mom still has a lot of contact with Joanne, she won’t stop going on about how “a decent man would help someone he once had feelings for if he were in a position to do so” it’s easier to just help her out than constantly have her go on about it.”

“Your damn Mother is crazy! That’s not the correct relationship for ex partners to have! How on earth could she think that having her move in here would be beneficial to our relationship?! Maybe that’s it! She wants her here so that we split up!”




Kat had reason to be wary of Paul’s Mother. They hadn’t hit it off well at all and their relationship hadn’t improved over the years. Plus, it seemed that ever since Kat and Paul had announced their engagement she hadn’t shut up about Joanne and her continued hardship.

“My Mom doesn’t want us to split up. You’re being paranoid.”

“How am I being paranoid Paul? We’re trying to plan a wedding here and we’ll be getting input from your ex-girlfriend!”

“She’ll just be staying in the spare room, she’s not coming to the wedding.”

“Oh, I don’t think you should wear white Katherine and make sure you cover your soft arms.” mocked Kat in her best Joanne impression

“Kat. She’ll have nothing to do with the wedding. She’d be staying here a couple of weeks tops.”

“Yeah right, until your Mom brings her as her plus one.” replied Kat as she rested her head on Paul’s shoulder.



“Listen, you can say no if you want and I’ll back you one hundred percent, you know that. I just think it will help things with you and Mom if you’re the one to offer help to her friend when no-one else can.” said Paul as he hugged her tightly.

“It won’t make a difference, I’ll still be the evil with that stole her baby.”

“She doesn’t think you’re a witch, I just want her to see how awesome you are just like I do.”



“You promise me it’ll be no more than a few weeks and I can have my sewing room back” pouted Kat.

“I promise”





Three days later and Joanne was moving her few possessions into Kat and Paul’s spare room – formerly known as Kat’s sewing room. A lengthy bout of unemployment following the breakup of her last relationship had left Joanne with the need to sell most of her belongings in order to make rent. After reaching out to Paul’s Mom Marcie she had suggested the situation that they now found themselves in.

“Oh Joanne dear, I hope this will be okay for you. You know that I’d have you stay with me if I had the space darling.”

“Oh Marcie I’m very appreciative believe me” replied Joanne as she gave Paul’s Mom a hug “I’ll be out of your hair before you know it Paul, and Kat, I know me being here must be weird for you I’ll try to keep out of your way.”

“Oh nonsense!” smiled Kat falsely “A friend of Marcie’s is a friend of mine, you make yourself at home”

Kat looked at Marcie for any sign of approval but was just met with the slight rolling of her eyes.

“Now Joanne, I’ll meet up with you on Monday once you’re settled and we can search for jobs together over coffee if you like?”

“She’s never invited herself round for coffee with me” thought Kat as she observed the interaction

“That’ll be great yeah, thanks Marcie”

“And I'll be out the way working upstairs so you won’t be interrupted” added Kat but was just met with blank looks from Marcie and Joanne.

“Great” was their joint response.





As they got ready for bed that evening Kat bemoaned the situation to Paul.

“Do you think you Mom will ever be like that with me?”

“Like what?” asked Paul through a mouthful of toothpaste

“Like warm, nurturing, you know, like a proper human being?”

“Don’t forget Mom and Jo have known each other as long as Jo has been alive, she’s like a second Mother to her”

“Yeah don’t remind me” frowned Kat “I just wish I could be in Jo’s position you know?”

“I’m sure you two will become firm friends if you work at it hun and you’ll be the new Jo in no time” smiled Paul.

But he wasn’t the only one smiling. She didn’t need her ear pressed against the wall to hear everything that was being said in the next room.

“Oh don’t worry Kat, you’ll be in my position soon enough.”





The week wore on and true to her word Kat had stayed out of the way of the other women when they met for coffee. But she couldn’t help but feel aggravated that the women seemed to be spending more time chatting and laughing than they did looking for work for her not entirely welcome house guest. Or was it the fact that they hadn’t invited her to join in on their gossip session? Either way, Kat was now keenly aware of how much noise travelled in her house and resigned herself to wearing headphones to block out the noise.



Another couple of days of inactivity followed for the leggy blonde interloper which further served to annoy Kat who made no bones about it when discussing it in hushed tones with Paul.

“She’s doing nothing to find work you know”

“Oh give her time, she’s only just finding her feet”

“She’s finding my last nerve is what she’s doing! Did you know she ate my chocolate?”

“Your chocolate? I didn’t know you had any”

“It was in the drawer, I’d been saving it!”

“Well I’m sure she’ll replace it or I can buy you a new bar”

“That’s not the point!” spat Kat but quickly hushed her words when Joanne suddenly entered the kitchen



“Hey guys, I’m just heading off to the gym. I’ve been sitting around the house too much and I don’t want to get pudgy” the last part was said deliberately as she made eye contact with Kat. 

Through sneaky listening she had learned that Kat was a little self-conscious of her figure and was desperately trying to lose a good 10lbs before the wedding.

“Why don’t you join me Kat?”

“I’m sorry Jo, I’ve got some things to do here but have fun” lied Kat, she was going to go for a workout later but she had no intention of going with Jo.

“Suit yourself, I’d ask you Paul but it looks like you already live there, am I right Kat?!” she asked as she ran her fingers down Paul’s chest.

Kat just sat and seethed as Paul did nothing to remove the wandering fingers of his ex-girlfriend.

“Ha, not quite but I do like to keep in shape”

“Well anytime you fancy a real workout you know where to find me” remarked Joanne before winking at him and strutting out the door.

His eyes followed the sway of her hips as she did so, a fact not lost on Kat and it was the sound of her slamming their bedroom door that bought Paul to his senses.

“Oh dammit. Kat! Kat!”





Since that little incident Jo had kept out the way of Paul and Kat but Paul was still truly in the doghouse with Kat. The only time Kat and Joanne had spoken had been when Joanne had interrupted Kat as she worked in her bedroom.

“Whatcha doing?” Jo asked from the doorway.

“Working” replied Kat curtly.

“Well yeah, I know that, what you working on?”

“Just designing some dresses for the bridesmaids”

“Oh lemme see” replied Jo with a full mouth

“What are you eating?” asked Kat as Jo looked over her drawings

“Oh I found this chocolate in the fridge”



The chocolate in question had been the bar that Paul had bought Kat in a sorry attempt to apologise to her over their falling out a few days earlier.

“That is my fucking chocolate!” cried Kat as she grabbed the bar from Jo’s hand

“Gees sorry, I thought I'd be doing you a favour by eating it” retorted Jo

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” asked Kat indignantly

“Well you have a dress to fit into, don’t you? Paul’s not going to want some blimp of a bride”

“Argh! Get out, get the fuck out of here!”

“Whoa! Calm down bridezilla just trying to help”

“I don’t need your help just leave me and my fiancé alone!”

Kat sat back on her bed sobbing frustrated tears. She would need to have it out with Paul when he got home from work. 





Joanne on the other hand retreated from Kat’s bedroom door with a smirk on her face, her plan was coming along nicely. Moving in with Kat and Paul was simply step 1, now step 2 was well under way. Needling Kat, subtly mind you but with intent to drive Kat crazy.

She surmised that if she could bring the worst out in Kat then it would be easy picking to steal Paul away from her. You see Joanne had no intention of finding work again. Paul made more than enough to take care of Kat so why not her? And to make things even better, Marcie unwittingly played right into her plan, acting as an unofficial tag-team partner in operation drive Kat mad. Yes, it was surely just a matter of time before Joanne’s plan came to fruition.



When Paul returned home from work, he got both barrels from Kat who went into a rant about Jo and how she had told him she wouldn’t be able to keep her comments to herself. Paul did his best to alleviate his bride-to-be's concerns but considering he was still in the doghouse himself, he was fighting a losing battle.

It was several hours later when Paul retreated from the bedroom, in fact it was more like he had been banished and sought solace in a stiff drink at the kitchen table. Of course, this was no revelation to Joanne who had spent the last few hours ensuring she looked jaw-droppingly beautiful while listening to Kat’s tirade about her.

“Gotta love these paper-thin walls” she said to herself before making her way into the kitchen.

Dressed in a negligee from their time together, covered only by a satin robe, she made her way past where Paul was sitting, purposefully bending as she retrieved a drink from the refrigerator, knowing exactly where Paul’s eyes were focussed.

“Tough night huh champ?” she asked, knowing exactly the ferocity of the ear-bashing he had received from Kat

“Yeah... no thanks to you” replied Paul as he sipped at his whiskey.

“Me?” she replied in a tone that conveyed a mock innocence “I’m not sure I follow”

Her last words were punctuated by the slight adjustment of her robe to reveal more of her breasts. A ploy that clearly worked as Paul’s gaze shifted before taking a moment to reply.

“Oh come on Jo, don’t act dumb. You know full-well that you said earlier annoyed Kat and she was already in a bad mood after... well”

“Gee Paul, seems to me that Kat is always in a kinda grouchy mood. I’m not sure it was just me that annoyed her.”

“Knock it off Joanne! You know full-well it’s your fault that she’s in a bad mood”

“Really Paul? I don’t recall it being MY fault that you couldn’t keep your eyes off my ass.”

Joanne rounded the table and took a seat right in Paul’s lap before continuing.

“Admit it Paul, me being here is your ticket out of that no future marriage you’re being guilted into.”

“Guilted into?! What the hell are you talking about?!”

“Oh come on! Who on earth would invite their ex-girlfriend to live with them and their new fiancé unless they wanted something like this to happen?”

Making her move, Joanne aggressively began making out with Paul as he put up a feeble attempt to stop her. It was only five words that bought the tryst to an end.

“You son of a bitch!”

“Kat! No! It’s not how it looks!”

But Kat had already stormed off back towards their bedroom. A rapidly packed bag later and Kat was en route to her Mother’s house.

“Well I hope you’re pleased with yourself?” 

“Me? Not yet... But I will be”





On arriving at her Mother’s Kat had spent the rest of the evening tearfully recounting the story of how Joanne had moved into their home and was blatantly trying to steal Paul away from her. Kat’s Mom lent a sympathetic ear and tried to ease her Daughter’s concerns but it was not enough for Kat to get a good night’s sleep.

Sitting in her childhood bedroom Kat couldn’t help but dig through her old belongings that her Mom hadn’t had the heart to get rid of.

Amongst the old scrap books and stuffed animals, her attention was piqued by her old spell book. Purchased during her teenage goth phase, what had originally been an activity to distract her from her heartbreak quickly turned into a quest for vengeance against her would-be love rival.

Flicking through the pages, Kat quickly found exactly what she was looking for. The spell was titled “Everything I Want For You” The spell was worded in such a way that it was designed to bring wealth and good health to a friend but Kat had much more nefarious intentions for the spell.

Re-writing it in such a matter that it would turn Joanne’s hurtful remarks and devious actions back on her, it was around four in the morning when Kat had finished turning the spell into a curse to use on her house guest.

The following morning saw Kat with a changed attitude, something noticed by her Mother. No longer defeated, Kat now had a renewed vigour because she was going to get her own back on that bitch Joanne.

Forgoing her Mom’s offer of breakfast, Kat made a beeline back home in order to extract her revenge on an unsuspecting Joanne.





She arrived back long after Paul had left work but found Joanne relaxing in the living room.

“Ah, little miss grouchy has returned! How was your stay at Mommy’s?” asked Joanne sarcastically

“Shut up Joanne!” shouted Kat “I’ve had quite enough of you and your obvious plan to split Paul and me up!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about” smirked Joanne

“Oh please! Don’t give me that! I’m fed up of your freeloading, work dodging, body shaming, slutty ass!”

“Whoa! You kiss your fiancé with that mouth? Oh no, that’s right, the only mouth he’s been kissing is mine, we had quite the night after you left”



The last remark only served to further anger Kat.

“That’s it! You’re getting out of my house right now!”

“Yeah? Why don’t you make me?”

“Oh believe you me, I’ll make you! I found a spell that’ll have you doing exactly what I desire!”

“A spell?! As in magic? Oh my god!” laughed Joanne “If I'd have known that all it took to send you batshit crazy was to kiss Paul then I’d have done it weeks ago!”

“I’m not crazy Joanne. You might be by the end of this though! You’re going to be moving out today but don’t worry, you’ll still see plenty of Paul when I have you running errands for our wedding!”



Joanne simply fixed Kat with a quizzical stare.

“You’re really serious about this aren’t you?! Man, all that chocolate must be rotting your brain as well as adding inches to your thighs.”

“Urgh! That’s another thing! It’s you that’s gonna be self-conscious about your weight after I get you to pig out on fatty foods! I’ve written a special part to give you unmatched growth!”

“Yeah, okay Kat, can you move? I’m trying to watch this.” replied Joanne, gesturing at the TV.

“You should enjoy this last moment of lazing in my living room Joanne” remarked Kat before throwing back her head and raising her arms towards the ceiling.

Joanne looked on in utter bemusement as Kat began reciting the rhyme that she had been repeating in her head during her trip back home. 

Finally, coming to the end of her spell, Kat shouted the last words and thrust her arms towards Joanne. Her vision blurred momentarily and she became rather dizzy, staggering backwards she managed to trip and fall over the coffee table behind her. Her actions only eliciting laughter from Joanne.

Regaining her composure Kat spoke with authority, “Now, Joanne, get your lazy ass off my sofa and pack your bags!”



Joanne just continued to laugh at the downed woman.

“Seriously though Kat, why don’t you move that chunky ass out of the way of the TV and leave me alone?”

Kat was furious but found herself getting to her feet and retreating to her bedroom.

“I don’t understand” she said to herself as she went over the spell again “I said everything correctly, she should be out of my life and on her way to McDonald’s by now”, eyeing the part she had written for increased appetite and rapid weight gain, her stomach growled as if on cue.



Joanne heard Kat as she started preparing herself something to eat and couldn’t resist having another jab at her.

“What are you up to in there? Starting on dinner for all of us? It’s the least you can do after running out on your husband to be don’t you think? You should want to make him happy or risk losing him. Make sure it’s not too fattening though, I have a figure to maintain unlike some people.” she laughed but unbeknownst to her, in the kitchen, Kat’s focus had shifted from preparing herself a snack to preparing dinner for the three of them, a healthy grilled chicken breast and salad.



When Paul arrived home from work, he was full of apologies to Kat. She however seemed preoccupied, busy preparing the evening meal while snacking on the side. Joanne was cordial with Paul, knowing that he was likely to still be annoyed. They had done nothing the previous evening but Kat didn’t know that and Paul didn’t know what she had told Kat so she decided to play coy.

“Listen, Joanne, we need to talk about this situation” said Paul as he rested his hand on Kat’s shoulder.

“I know, I know but can’t we talk over dinner? It’d be a shame to let Kat’s hard work go to waste don’t you agree Kat?”

Kat muttered a reply in the affirmative not really understanding exactly what was going on. She was still mad at Paul and she hated Joanne, “why the hell was she putting so much effort in to preparing this meal?!” she thought to herself.



As they sat down to eat it was Paul that spoke first.

“So, Joanne, it must come as no surprise to you that things are going to have to change here”

“Yes, I totally agree” replied Joanne, taking Paul aback, “my behaviour has been totally unacceptable, lazing around all day, not putting in the adequate amount of effort to find a job and that’s why, to say sorry, from now on I’ll be exclusively helping Kat plan the wedding”

“That’s not what I was getting at...”

“That’s right isn’t it, Kat?” interrupted Joanne

“Yes, that’s right” replied Kat, not looking up from her food as she spoke.

Now it was Paul’s turn to be confused “It is?” he asked Kat. It was Joanne that answered however.

“It’s the least I can do after you took me into your home. I’m going to make sure you have the best wedding ever. Now why don’t you take Kat out for dessert? Have some alone time without me cramping your style?”

Paul was still nonplussed about what was going on but had to admit he’d like some alone time with his bride to be where he wouldn’t be eavesdropped on.

As he helped Kat put on her coat Joanne called out from the table.

“Oh, and Kat, make sure he treats you to the biggest dish on the menu to say sorry for last night”

“I will.” replied Kat.





Paul couldn’t believe his luck, it seemed as though he was going to get off scot free without so much as a cross word from Kat about his actions the previous night. He did find it rather strange that she did in fact order the biggest thing on the menu. “Maybe this is her way of punishing me” he thought as he watched his fiancé gorge on ice-cream.

Meanwhile, Kat was equally clueless as to her odd behaviour. 

“I want to rip him a new one for kissing her last night but I can’t find it in myself to say a cross word to him” she smiled at Paul who appeared to be studying her, watching the chocolate syrup dribble down her chin.

“And what is with my appetite?! I’ve got a dress to fit into!”

Kat continued to eat until she was no longer physically able to, she had finished the majority of the “Ice Kayak” that was designed to feed a party of eight, much to the surprise of herself, Paul and the staff. Paul even had to steady her as she made her way back to the car, clutching at her swollen belly as she walked.

As soon as Kat’s head hit the pillow, she fell fast asleep, Paul had to help her out of her clothes and noticed that even in the short amount of time it took to drive from the ice-cream parlour, Kat’s belly had deflated a little but she was looking rather soft around the midsection.

“I hope her little revenge was worth it” thought Paul as he prodded at his bride-to-be's belly “she’s going to have to work extra hard to fit into that dress now. I won’t have a fat wife!”



When Kat awoke the following morning, she still had the taste of ice-cream in her mouth. Paul had left hours ago and she was really hungry. She was about to go and fix herself some breakfast when she noticed her reflection in the mirror.

“No! This can’t be real!”

She was referring to the sizeable pot belly that now hung from her waist. She had seemingly grown several dress sizes overnight and now appeared to be on the verge of obesity if she wasn’t there already.

“Looks pretty real to me chubs”

Kat spun around to find Joanne standing in the doorway.

“You! You did this to me!”

“Actually, I think you’ll find you did all of this to yourself” she replied as she squeezed one of the flabby rolls that had formed on Kat’s back.

“I didn’t believe in magic until yesterday but damn if you didn’t prove me wrong! Eww look at it jiggle!” she remarked as she wobbled Kat’s arm.

“But how?” was all Kat could manage.

“Beats me, but I thought it was odd after your little show yesterday you scurried off to your room when I told you to move. Then you went and prepared dinner after I told you to and I thought maybe your silly little spell had backfired but that would just be nonsense, right? Now I see you all fat and smelling like a confectioner's dream and I’m left wondering if you will get down on your knees?”

Without question, Kat sunk to her knees in front of the mirror.

“No, no! This isn’t happening!”

“Oh my God! Yes, it is!” laughed Joanne “Now get up fatso, we’ve got lots of work to do today!”



“What are you talking about?” asked Kat frantically.

“No need to explain hun, just get dressed and give me your credit card” instructed Joanne “oh and try and fit your fat ass into that tracksuit of yours would ya?”

Kat did as Joanne instructed without question, dressing in the pink velour tracksuit that Joanne had pointed out. With Kat’s credit card in hand she instructed Kat to take a seat at the dining room table while she got to work on the phone.

It was around thirty minutes later when the doorbell rang. Kat got up to answer before she was told to stay exactly where she was. Joanne returned from the door with her arms full of various fast food bags, placing them on the dining room table in front of Kat.

“What’s going on?” asked Kat

“Well, after seeing how much weight you put on from your little ice-cream binge last night, I want to see what damage we can do to your already flabby waist before Paul gets home tonight and we can move onto the next phase of my plan.”

“Not a chance!” shouted Kat defiantly before starting to stand up.

“SIT. Down tubbo!” snarled Joanne as Kat did exactly as she was told. “Now eat!”



When Paul got home later that evening, he found his would-be-bride exactly where she had been sitting all day.

“Kat?!” he asked, concerned by what he saw before him.

“Oh Paul, thank goodness you’re home!” cried Joanne as she ran to embrace him.

“Joanne, what’s going on?” he asked, not taking his eyes from Kat.

“She’s been like this since she got up Paul, muttering about how bad a boyfriend you are and how she’s going to teach you a lesson”

As Paul took everything in, he was aghast at what was supposed to be his fiancé. Her hands and face were coated with BBQ sauce, her hair slick from sweating her way through the veritable feast that Joanne had ordered for her. There was an assortment of stains adorning her unzipped track top which, much to Paul’s dismay, no longer could contain her bloated form.

Her stomach surged obscenely over the waistband of her sweatpants that looked as if they had been painted on her blubbery thighs. Bra-less, her tits wobbled as she continued to shovel handful after handful of fries into her gaping maw. Her face had swelled almost beyond recognition, sagging chins moving rhythmically as she continued to chew, paying attention to nothing but stuffing her face.

“How did she get so fat so fast?” asked Paul with a disgusted look on his face.



On hearing the trigger word that Joanne implanted earlier, Kat finally spoke as she continued to gorge.

“If you think this is fat, you haven’t seen anything yet!” she sneered around a mouthful of hotdog, “you love Little Miss Perfect here? Well you’re welcome to her. Infact, I insist, I’m moving into the spare room until I can move out, you two lovebirds can carry on your affair with fear of interruption from me! I hope you can satisfy her at least. I’m just going to use our wedding money on my one true love, something that really satisfies me. Food!”

“Let’s just give her some space Paul, I’ll sleep on the sofa tonight, I’m sure she’ll come to her senses soon enough.” 



Six months later

Joanne stood admiring herself in a full-length mirror as a multitude of people fussed around her. Bedecked in a breath-taking white gown, today was the day that Joanne had been spoiling for since before she moved in with Paul and Kat.

Needless to say, she didn’t sleep on the sofa that night six months ago. Instead she finally bedded Paul who, spurred on by Kat’s hurtful remarks and gruesome transformation, willingly fell for Joanne’s plan.

Joanne turned her attention to the mountainous woman at her feet who was shining her shoes.

“Now Kat, remember to get a real good shine all over, I want them to gleam when Paul removes my garter later on”

“Yes Joanne, of course Joanne, anything for you.” replied Kat monotonously.



Giving Kat space had quickly turned into Kat being phased out of her relationship with Paul and moved into the role of Joanne’s best friend/lackey. Joanne ensured that Paul kept her well fed and not-so-well clothed.

When Joanne had said she’d be working on the wedding with Kat she had been correct but it was no longer Kat and Paul’s wedding they were planning, it was Joanne’s big day.



“Now remember Kat, after your services as big fat bridesmaid are done today, you’ll be going straight back to MY house and clearing out all your crap. I want no trace of you when I return from my honeymoon, am I understood?”

The near 600lb Kat slowly made her way to her feet, huffing and puffing from the exertion, wiping away her sweat with a hanky.

“Yes Joanne, you’ve made yourself perfectly clear.” replied Kat with a forlorn look on her face.

“And you can wipe that look off your face too! I don’t want your stupid pout ruining my day. You may have a few tears after we say “I do” then it’s on to making a mess of yourself at the reception and then I’ll be out of your life forever. Sound good?”

“Sounds good” responded Kat through an incredibly forced smile.

“Oh, and Kat” exclaimed Joanne as she leaned into Kat’s ear and whispered “Don’t fuck around with cursing.”