“There you go Erica, job done for another month.”
Erica Britton removed the safety goggles and inspected herself, she had been coming to Nicole’s salon for the past 4 months and was really starting to see some progress with the laser hair removal sessions. She definitely didn’t have to shave as often, not that she was especially hairy anyway, it’s just that she found the whole process so boring and time consuming. She had tried waxing, shaving and sugaring, always looking for the next best solution to get rid of her body hair, hopefully for good!
“How much do I owe you?” she asked as she started putting her clothes back on.
“£650, same as every time you ask me.” joked Nicole.
“I’m not sure which hurts more, the sting of the laser or the sting to my bank balance.” replied Erica, “I just wish there was a way to remain hairless without so much effort and money being involved.”
“Oh Erica, you and everyone else who wants to get rid of hair. But if they made that available to everyone, people like me would go out of business, that’s why the agreement was put in place.”
“What do you mean? What agreement?” asked Erica.
Nicole took on a hushed tone as she replied as though she shouldn’t be telling her what she was about to say, “A few years back, a major pharmaceuticals company managed to create a solution that would kill hair follicles dead! They ran trials and it was 100% effective, 100% of the time, they were about to bring it to market until the health and beauty industry banded together and tried to put a stop to it. Eventually, they came to an agreement, every place that offers hair removal services has to pay a percentage of their earnings to this big pharmaceutical company to stop them from releasing this cream that would put us out of business.”
“Oh wow, a bit like blackmail I suppose?” asked Erica.
“That’s not the worst part, they have it ready to go at a moment's notice, they could back out of the deal at any point and flood the market with their miracle cream.”
“They couldn’t do it that quickly surely? Plus, why would they? They could only sell it once to each person if it works as well as you say it does.” replied Erica.
“Oh, they could. You can actually buy it, that’s the problem. You’d need a doctor’s prescription mind you and you won’t get one of those unless you’re incredibly hirsute.”
“How hairy are we talking?” asked Erica, starting to formulate a plan in her head.
“I’m talking REALLY hairy. You remember those werewolf kids from Mexico? When was the last time you saw anything like that?”
Erica had to admit that she hadn’t heard anything of the sort in a good few years and Nicole willingly told her that this wonder cream was the reason.
“So, what’s it called then? Who makes it?”
“I think it was called Episcroge or something like that, I can’t remember who the manufacturer was, why? You thinking about trying to become part werewolf Erica?” laughed Nicole.
She wasn’t thinking about anything that ridiculous but she was thinking about how she could use her position as a pharmacy technician to get her hands on the wonder cream.
The following Monday morning saw Erica waste no time in trying to find the cream on her drugs database. She half expected her search to be fruitless, after all, she had never heard of such a thing until Nicole opened her mouth about it. Then there was the fact that the cream definitely wasn’t called Episcroge, but a little searching found a product called Episcurge and it seemed to fit the bill. It was listed as a rare drug and as such it wasn’t kept in stock at the hospital she worked at, “This has to be it.” she said to herself as she placed a manual order for the drug and hoped that it wouldn’t be long before she would have her hands on it.
The order was queried by a higher up pharmacist but Erica was a trusted member of the team and no-one thought to question her when she said that she had been the one that had ordered it, the only problem she now faced was how she was going to get it out of the pharmacy without a prescription.
When she noticed that the cream had arrived in stock Erica had it sent up from the stores in preparation for the person who required it to arrive with their prescription. This didn’t go unnoticed by a few of her colleagues who kept one eye on the outgoing drugs in anticipation of seeing the hairy recipient up close. They were disappointed however when the prescription holder never showed and the cream was left in its box, waiting to be picked up, or so they thought.
Erica had cleverly switched the contents of the box with a similarly sized steroid cream that was available over the counter, a steroid cream that Erica just so happened to purchase that evening at the end of her shift. No-one bothered to check the contents and her plan had worked to perfection, Erica couldn’t wait to get home and start a new existence that didn’t include body hair!
It just so happened that Erica had the flat to herself that evening, her roommate was out on a date so she wouldn’t be disturbed in her quest to permanently rid herself of body hair. She made herself a coffee as she quickly read through the booklet that accompanied the cream, it mostly listed possible side effects which she was all too familiar with having worked in a pharmacy since leaving college. What she was really interested in was the directions.
Wash and dry your hands and then squeeze out the right amount. Spread the cream in a thin layer over the area of effected skin. Carefully smooth it into your skin in the direction the hair grows until it disappears. Use the cream on all the effected skin, not just the worst areas. For use on larger areas, it is suggested that the cream is diluted and the effected body part is soaked until the hair disappears. CAUTION! Only dilute the cream in well ventilated areas...
Erica didn’t bother to finish reading the instructions, she had read what she felt she needed to and quickly set about drawing herself a bath, a bath that she squeezed the entire tube of Episcurge into, “I’m going to make sure that not a single hair grows on my body ever again.” she said to herself as she stripped out of her office attire. She took in her reflection in the mirror as the water continued to pour into the bath, mixing with the Episcurge and forming the hair frying solution that she craved.
She was physically fit with long dark hair; it was an image that many admired but Erica could never get over the fact that her body hair was so dark and grew quickly. Even after the laser session the week before she could already start to see some regrowth under her arms and around her sex, “Well I’ll never have to worry about that again after tonight!” she thought gleefully.
She turned off the faucets and eased herself into her bath, making sure the water came up over her shoulders, she had pinned her hair up to make sure that none of the bath water accidentally got on her hair.
She watched with anticipation, waiting for the almost invisible hair on her armpits to disappear and inwardly thought how it probably would have been a better idea to let her body hair grow out a little so that she would have known when it was time to get out just by looking at her legs but it was too late for that now, she’d just have to be careful when checking not to get any of her head hair wet.
Being careful would have been a great idea for Erica, she should have thought of it earlier. Had she had been careful earlier she would have finished reading the directions fully, she was so close too.
… and only dilute in cold water. Diluting in warm or hot water can cause fumes to occur during the hair removal and may cause light-headedness if inhaled.
Lightheaded was exactly how Erica was feeling as the solution began destroying her hair follicles as she had closed the bathroom door behind her creating anything but a well-ventilated area. With nowhere for the fumes to go it was only a matter of time before Erica passed out.
When Erica awoke, she wasn’t in her bathroom. She wasn’t even in her flat. She was in a hospital bed in a darkened room, it was daylight outside but the curtains were drawn in her private room.
“Hello?” she called out before locating the alarm to call the nurse, pressing it, she waited to see someone and hopefully get an explanation as to what had happened to her.
It wasn’t long before a doctor and a few nurses came into the room, Erica found it strange that they didn’t bother to turn on the main light, allowing the soft side lamps to be sufficient lighting for them. “Well, I’m glad to see you’re awake.” said the doctor before Erica asked him what was going on.
“You were rushed here by ambulance this morning after your roommate found you passed out in the bathtub; you were lucky you didn’t drown.” he said rather sternly.
Erica remembered, she was in the tub, finally getting rid of her body hair forever when she suddenly felt odd, she didn’t remember a thing after that. Had it worked? She couldn’t wait for the doctor to give her some privacy so that she could check.
“It appears that the chemical reaction created enough bubbles to keep your mouth and nose out of the water when your head went under...” continued the doctor.
“What?!” screamed Erica, “My hair!” her hands flew to her head, hoping that somehow her hair hadn’t gotten in the water only to find a completely smooth dome, not a trace of hair left on it.
“Yes, I can assure you that your little stunt has left you as bald as a cue ball. You were fully examined and not a single hair could be found on your entire body.”
Erica then felt and realised that even her eyebrows and eyelashes were gone too, “Will... will they ever grow back?” she asked as she began to cry.
“Oh, heavens no, but then you know that already, don’t you?”
Erica began to sob in earnest now, knowing that she would forever be as smooth as an egg all over her body.
“I’ll allow you to compose yourself before we go over your skincare routine for the future.” stated the doctor.
“What... what about my skincare routine?” sniffed Erica.
“Well, for one, I’d stay away from all kinds of cosmetics, makeup, perfumes, there’s no way to know how badly your damaged skin will react with those things.”
“My damaged skin?” questioned Erica.
“Yes, we’re not sure how long you were in that solution but it’s safe to say we’ve never seen a reaction quite like yours, take a look for yourself.”
The doctor handed Erica a mirror and she almost fainted when she saw her reflection. Not only was she completely hairless but she was also as white as a sheet, save for small patches around her nose and mouth, obviously the only parts of her that hadn’t been submerged in the solution.
“You’ve managed to completely destroy all traces of melanin in your skin, it’s really quite something.” added the doctor. “You’ll have to avoid direct sunlight at all costs, the results could be catastrophic until we find a way to test if you’ll be okay. Until then we advise using sunblock even when you’re indoors and if you go out, you’ll need to be covered from head to toe, no exceptions.”
“How on earth am I supposed to do that?!” asked Erica.
“You could wear a burqa, like Islamic ladies do.” offered one of the nurses helpfully.
“It’s that or waiting for nightfall to be discharged. I’ll call down to stores to see what we can arrange. You’ll need to arrange with your GP to come in for further testing, hopefully we can figure something out for you but until then, try to be careful.” With that, the doctor was off and Erica was left to wallow in her own misfortune.
Erica was discharged later that day, wearing a burqa that the staff had sourced from somewhere. When her work found out what had happened to her, she got the sack for breaking untold amounts of laws. Her bosses were lenient on her and decided not to press charges, considering what had happened to her they figured that she had suffered enough.
Without a job she was forced to sign up for unemployment and that meant moving to a smaller, council flat that was more within her means. Her roommate, who had initially discovered her that fateful evening, was quite thankful when Erica had to move out as she would no longer have to look at her ghastly pale complexion and hairless visage. She could also have her boyfriend over again as he had refused to come over after being scared by “Casper the Bald Ghost”, coming back from the bathroom one evening.
Erica wanted nothing more than to show off her perfectly hairless body and have everyone talking about her, but the only person that gets to see it now is Erica herself. The kids on the council estate run in fear when they see her and make up stories about “The Ghost Lady in Number 4”. She got all that she wanted and a whole lot more with it.
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